Hello everyone. After arriving in Uganda, we found that this Weebly Blog site does not work here. So, we have created another blog that is allowed in Uganda to keep everyone up to date. The new Joshua Blog is at www.journeytojoshua2.blogspot.com. Please change your favorites to this site. Thanks for your prayers.
So we got out of Medford just fine, checked 18 bags of luggage, and were on our way to Seattle...when the flight attendant says "Seattle is covered in fog, we are going to ground you in Yakima, until it clears" It is now 9:30 and our connecting flight to Amsterdam is at 1:00. We are ignoring the claims that it is getting worse in Seattle. We still have time... right?
 Tonight was filled with one BIG Koehler "first"! The first time my children have ever had Mountain Dew! (I know you are thinking, "now she's really lost it!") But the plan was to keep them up as late as possible and get them SO tired that they will sleep on the second leg of the flight from Seattle to Amsterdam because although it will be noon on our clock it will be ten p.m. in Uganda! We are trying this crazy experiment to see if we can adjust their clocks ahead of time so they are not wide awake in the middle of the night when we arrive in Uganda on Friday night. So how did the Koehler kids do? Well, 3/4 of them made it to half past midnight! As you can see Simon gave it a valiant effort, but petered out at about 11:45 (right on top of my last minute project.) It is 2am now and we will be up at 4:15 a.m. and off to the airport! It is here, Its really really here! How could I possibly sleep at a time like this? We'll let you know where we are when we can! :) This is your new blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar.
 This is a picture of our dear friends from Watoto (www.watoto.com). When they came through town on their tour last spring, we were fortunate enough to house a few of them for several days. We are looking forward to spending time with them at their home and introducing them to the newest member of our family. These beautiful girls happened to be here when Holt first told us that Joshua was ours! They shared our joy a year and a half ago, and we want to share the joy of his long anticipated adoption into our family. We are all so excited to be reunited with these amazing friends!
 So it is finally here! Just when I was about to break, just when I couldn't handle another day of hearing nothing, just when I needed Him most, God showed up with a court date! A year and a half ago we knew Joshua was our son and we couldn't wait for the day he was in our arms. The days have passes like molasses and increasingly gotten more and more painful as they slipped away. At the time we were matched with him, we were told to be prepared to leave any day or to wait indefinitely. Our hopeful hearts never wanted to believe we would be on the "waiting indefinitely" side of things. But He is a God of last minutes and I praise Him for testing me far beyond what I would have thought I was capable. (He certainly thinks more of me than I do!)
When Joseph was in prison, after accurately interpreting the dreams of his two cellmates, he said to the one being set free "Don't forget me! Tell Pharaoh about me! DONT FORGET ME!!" and yet 2 years went by with no recognition, the same 4 walls, the same dirt floor, the same unanswered question... "Why, God?". Joseph had been completely forgotten... but only by man. God was doing a good work in him and needed to see it to completion, and for whatever reason, that "good work" involved being (temporarily) forgotten by man. Why? Possibly with the intent to bring Joseph to his knees, completely reliant on the King of kings? Possibly with the intent to humble Joseph, lest he boast as if his life and abilities were his own? Or possibly with the intent to bless others who would follow, and be encouraged by God's triumph over his sufferings? Whatever the purpose, Joseph had no one but His heavenly father left. Man had failed him, but God would be glorified when he revealed Josephs great purpose years later. I will not dare to claim a "great purpose" in the suffering I have endured from being seperated from my child. My anguish pales in comparison to what other have and continue to endure! However I trust that my Heavenly Father will not allow my pain to be fruitless. I will praise Him as I "count my suffering as pure joy". And the day that I finally meet my precious child and hold him in my arms, I will whisper words of truth to him. I will tell him he was never forgotten. I will tell him he has a great and wonderful purpose. I will tell him who he is and Who's he is; the child of the living King... Prince Joshua! "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west." Isaiah 43:2,5   I found these beautiful flowers anonymously placed on my doorstep this morning. Those closest to me, know the state of my heart right now. Behind my Pollyanna persona, I am completely undone. I don't know if I have ever shed more tears in my life than I have this week. My eyes hurt. I am broken and weary. I am confused and angry. I am torn into pieces and exhausted. I need my child safely home. I need to know that SOMONE somewhere is tirelessly advocating for him. I fear that we will celebrate yet another Thanksgiving & Christmas season without him in our arms. Fortunately our God is HUGE and I believe he can handle my questions, my anger, my fear and my honest heart. He knows when His children are about to break, even before we do. He knows when to send a significant friend, a good word of support, an encouraging song on the radio or a bouquet of anonymous flowers sent on behalf of my missing child. I debated sharing the raw state of my heart on this blog, but I believe that through this heartache, others may be touched or encouraged by just knowing that there are others who hurt, question, breakdown, ask "why have I been forsaken?" and yet still believe that He is good...always! Our God can handle anything we can throw at Him and He uses "ALL things to work for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose"...even our heartache (Romans 8:28). He is good, He is real, He is love. Even when we endure pain so intense we think it will do us in, He holds each tear in His hands and carries us through the pain. I am learning how to cling hope and believe in His promises, "for faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1
 I have always viewed each new day as a fresh start, a clean slate, full of exciting potential. However, for the last year and a half my first thought each morning has not been "What wonderful joy awaits me today?" No, my first thought is always "Joshua is not here". As I rise, I picture him eating his meager dinner on the other side of the globe and I pray for God to nourish and protect his growing little body. After my breakfast I imagine him getting ready for bed and I pray that he will be comforted by someone who tells him "Your mommy and daddy are coming soon, Joshua. They are trying!" Throughout my day, I know he is fast asleep and I pray that God will give him dreams of our adoring faces, so that he will already know us and trust us the moment our eyes first meet. As I wind down my day and prepare Joshua's siblings for bed, I know he is just starting his day and I ask God to shield, guard and protect him. And as I lie in bed unable to sleep, I secretly cry and plead for God to walk with him throughout his day and infuse his little heart with a desire to know, trust and obey the God who created him with a wonderful purpose. I think the hardest part of my day is tucking 4 of my 5 children in bed each night, knowing that they are 100% aware that they are safe and snug at home, covered in warm blankets, kisses and mommy and daddy's prayers...and Joshua is not. When I leave the boys room and say "goodnight my little men, I love you", the last thing I see as I quietly shut the door is Joshua's little bed... still empty. It is made up and the covers are folded back waiting to envelope him. There is an army of stuffed animals that awaits his little arms. There are 2 big brothers who wait to comfort him if he stirs in the night. Before I fully shut the door, I always pause and look at his bed for a moment, longing for the day that he will look back at me and say "Love you too mommy. See you in the morning".
 The other day after yet another discouraging e-mail from Holt, I excused myself to my room, closed the door and wept face down on my bed. Within 2 min, my 8 year old, Faith, came barging in to tattle on her little brother "MOM!!! Hank just... Mom, are you o.k.?" I tried to hide my face in the blankets while I composed myself. She came to the edge of the bed and asked "Mommy, are you sad because Joshy isn't home yet?" "Yes baby. My heart really hurts to be away from him for so long." She stood there in front of me at a loss for words. With my face still buried in my hands, I felt her sweet little fingers stroke my hair. She broke the silence when she started praying over me. She said "Dear Jesus, we have faith that you know what you are doing. And I know that you could have already had Joshy home if you wanted to because you can do anything. But I also know that sometimes you let us hurt, because you want to teach us something that we can only learn when it hurts. Please help us to learn whatever it is that you want to teach us and then bring Joshua home super soon. I love you. Amen."
I sat in awe of God's incredible provision, in awe that my child was ministering to me, in awe of the wisdom discernment and faith of this child, in awe that when she had no words to comfort me, she knew that the Great Comforter was always right there. In this agonizing wait, He IS showing Himself so tangibly. After I semi-composed myself, I told her "You know Faith, Joshua is still so young that he may not even know that he was an orphan who now has an adoring family waiting for him to come home. Although, he may have a faint idea of who we are from the pictures we sent him, we are not real to him right now, and so he cant possibly love us yet. But WE know HE exists and we already love him desperately. We know specific details about him, we have his room and his clothes all ready for him, we pray for him every day, we miss him every second, we feel incomplete without him here, we yearn for him to be home with us where he belongs, we cry over his absence, and pray for the day he will finally be in our arms. If nothing else, this painful wait for Joshua can teach us one thing. Now, we know a fraction of how God feels when one of his children are separated from Him. Some people don't know God exists because they are just babies, like Joshua. But some people may not know He really exists until they are 40 or 80! And the whole time God knows every detail about them, He is yearning for them, preparing a place for them, wanting to share life together, desperately loving them, wanting them safely in His arms, and all the while He patiently waits for them to come home." And that is when Faith said "Ya... But the real reason I came in here is because Hank pushed me." ... All I could do was laugh! Our God sure has a wonderful sense if comedic timing, doesn't He?! And baby makes 7  On the morning of Christmas Eve 2008, we decided that it was time for our youngest child to be in a "big boy bed". As we were disassembling the family crib for the 4th and final time, I was overwhelmed with a strong sense that something was wrong, that we were NOT finished having children. My brain disputed my emotions saying "But we have officially agreed that we were DONE!" However that whole day I was unsettled. I casually said to Russ "Are we really done?" Without skipping a beat, he said with commanding confidence "Yep." I thought, "O.k. Maybe this is about me. Maybe I am having an identity crisis, not wanting to admit that I am so ancient that I am done with the 'baby years'. I may just be unable to admit that I am finally old enough to be 'moving on to the next stage!' This feeling might just be my ego." So I prayed fervently that if this was "ABOUT ME", that the Lord would take this feeling away from me and give me contentment with the four precious gifts He had blessed me with. But it didn't go away. The feelings I had on Christmas Eve just intensified with each day. I felt God's STRONG leading to adopt again (a blow that had my head spinning... "Really Lord... 5 kids?!?! But we only ever anticipated 4. That has always been our plan! You really have another for us?!") After a month of diligent and private prayer, I brought it up again to Russ and he said "REALLY? (sigh) Well, who am I to tell you that God is not speaking to you? I will not stand in His way because of my own personal understanding, I will seek him too. But we both have to be on the same page with this... and frankly, this is coming out of left field for me. Lets pray about it together for one month and see if He gives us any direction". We prayed about it for a full month with out telling the kids (or anyone else) and asked for confirmation one way or another. The strong sense that this was God's will didn't go away for me, but continued to grow. And as Russ asked for clarity, he too was overwhelmingly convinced.
We decided to ask the kids what THEY thought about another sibling. We agreed that if THEY are not on board, maybe God would give us clarity through their reactions. After all, if He can use a donkey to get through to Balaam, he can surely use our rug-rats to get through to us. However, they were all way more enthusiastic than we ever anticipated, jumping up and down, squealing & carrying on. With cautious excitement we told them that we would all continue to pray about it and start the ball rolling and wait to see if God chose to open doors or close them, and that either way, we would listen and obey. So every night we would pray about it with the kids and then they would ask "Are the doors still opening?" It ended up being our little catch phrase, when something progressed we'd share "another Open Door kids!" Open door after open door. It was clear. Through much prayer, we knew for sure that we had another son who God intended for our family somewhere on this globe. We started the process through Holt and were instantly drawn to the Uganda pilot program. God again made His will abundantly clear, "THIS is where your son is!" Russ was convinced that we should name our son either Joshua or Caleb. He has always admired how much confidence they had in God's power even when the odds were stacked against them. He read their story (in Numbers 13) to the family said, "I want our son to have that same 'Of course He can! With God anything is possible, kinda attitude." Russ loved the symbolism of the names & he wanted to instill in our son the unbreakable conviction that our God can do anything! 2 months later, in mid April 2009, our church hosted the Watoto children's choir from Uganda and we were blessed to house several of them over the long weekend. Still unaware of who specifically God would bring into our family, but knowing he would be Ugandan, we asked our new friends a million questions about their culture and their land. On our last day together, we took them to the public library. I was sitting on a big couch surrounded by these beautiful children, reading them a book when my cell phone rang. I excused myself when I saw that it was our case worker calling. She said "Do you have a minute? I have a little boy I'd like to tell you about." I listened intently as she said "This little boys name is Joshua Asobola, (my heart stopped "did she just say Joshua?!" I thought). She went on "he was brought into care on Christmas Eve 2008 (I couldn't breathe. That day is forever etched in my heart) "He is at an orphanage in Kampala,called An Open Door". I was frozen in a state of disbelief. With tears streaming down my face, I choked out "That our son!" She calmly said "Well, talk to Russ about it, review his charts and..." I cut her off "No, Kris, you don't understand, THIS IS our son!" I got off the phone and my head was spinning. I was flooded with the same wonder and elation that I felt each time we tried to get pregnant and I finally saw those 2 beautiful pink lines. I was brought back to the euphoric gratitude I felt when Holt had told us 3 years prior, that the adoption committee had chosen our family for the little Korean infant who had stolen our hearts. I was a mommy... again! The good Lord had blessed us with another child. We had another son! Our precious Joshua. I was utterly overwhelmed with gratefulness. I fell madly in love the second I knew he existed. I stared for hours at the one picture we were given (above). I obsessively drank in the tiny photo of his pensive little face sitting on the dirt floor of the orphanage. I devoured every visible aspect of his undersized body, the tiny dimples at the end of each finger, the nose that needed to be tenderly wiped, the eyes that were full of confusion and strength. My son. My Joshua. When they took this picture, he didn't know why he was in this odd place with so many strangers or why he was no longer with the only family he had ever known. Too young to know he was "an orphan", he cautiously eased into his new surroundings. And he also didn't know that the King of kings had a plan for him. He didn't know he was already utterly adored & desperately missed by his family on the other side of the world. He didn't know he was ours and we were his. Although Joshua may not know it yet, I believe that our Heavenly father created Joshua Asobola for an amazing purpose, with a strong spirit that will persevere, grow, thrive and shine to the glory of our King. Before our Watoto guests left, I asked a chaperone what Asobola meant in Lugandan and she said "How would you say, in English???... it means "Of course He Can!" We were overwhelmed and humbled again at the knowledge that the God of all the universe, cares so much about the littlest details, and how He delights in knitting together his perfect plan. |  Heather KoehlerHumble servant of the King of all kings. ArchivesOctober 2010 CategoriesAll |
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